There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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