if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
