By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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