just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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