i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
