i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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