remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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