I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
