Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
