I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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