Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
