You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
