just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
