you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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