Dual....:-)
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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