She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
