This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize