You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
