I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
