Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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