Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm at about main and main street
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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