Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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