just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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