how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
