Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
