You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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