i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
