nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
