First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
