everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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