I just threw up on my dentist
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
