I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
