RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
