I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
