I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There are leaves in my underwear?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
