Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize