Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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