I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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