ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
