I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
