I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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