Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
