i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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