I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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