I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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