You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
