You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
