UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
