Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
