I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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