I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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