We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
