he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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