I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
