Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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