I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
