Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
