Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
