??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
