shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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