It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
