how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
