So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
