if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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