i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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