who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need a hoe opinion
go on
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
