How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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