woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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