belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
