Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
